Journal Entry #10

10.19.13

It’s been a difficult couple of weeks. I have a tendency when things get tough to retreat, spend a lot of time alone, not really talk about it with anyone, wait for things to get better on their own. I did not have the luxury of doing so this time, and I couldn’t be more grateful for it. Maybe God’s working on my tendency to be individualistically minded instead of community minded.

This week has been sandwiched between India-related meetings and hangouts. Last Saturday was our India Team service day, I spent my morning doing beach clean up, laughing, and being sassy with Kirsten and Robbyn. Different groups had different projects, so afterward we met up at Central’s campus to eat our first authentic Indian meal together and debrief. Amanda and I spent most of the meal laughing at how awkward it was to eat with our right hand alone, no utensils. I need some serious practice. It got real messy, real fast.

Yesterday the worship ministry team met up for dinner and a jam session at Daniel’s, one of the group leaders, home. Sloane, Amanda, and I carpooled together and got coffee before. We ate dinner at Daniel’s and laughed a lot. Then we spent a long time worshipping together, it was a blast. Afterward Sloane and Amanda came back to my place where we met up with Chris and Karin, two more India team members. We ended up sitting around and talking about everything from Jackie Chan to what we are fearful for and excited about for India.

I have already been so blessed by spending time getting to know the India team. The care and intentionality to get to know one another and support one another on this adventure has been endless. Honestly (as cheesy as I know this is going to sound), if all of these meetings resulted in nothing other than the chance to meet and know this group of people, it would be enough for me. I cannot wait to get to know others on the team and to learn more about the people I already know. 

If you could join me in praying that we grow closer as a team, so that we can work better as a unit in India, that would be awesome. Pray for relationships to be formed, love for one another to grow, and that every individual on our team would feel known and cared for in the way I have felt known and cared for. 

Side Note: I am now selling custom artwork to raise money for this trip. If you have a verse, song lyric, phrase, or any group of words really, that you would like illustrated, I will draw it out and frame it for you. There is a link to the store at the top of this page titled Etsy.

Side Side Note: Joy and I are also planning a Benefit Show to raise money for India. It will be on Saturday, November 9th. More details coming veryyyyyy soon.

Journal Entry #9

10.05.13

So I had this incredible dream last night. And I wouldn't have even remembered it if I hadn't read an article a friend shared on Facebook. 

It was one of those articles claiming to be 25+ words of wisdom from some anonymous 90 year old written to the younger generation. But you totally can tell it was written by some 20 something year old, because their perspective on life is totally from a current mindset. You know what I mean?

Anyway, it still had something good to say. One of the facts was "God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do." Fantastic, right?

Before I get too carried away, here was the dream:

I was talking to a stranger about my trip to India and he asks if there is a way he can read my support letter. Of course, because it is a dream, I just so happen to have an extra one on me to give to him. He starts reading it in front of me and starts pointing out errors. Lots of errors. Like two in every sentence. Naturally, I stress out because I have already mailed out all of these letters. And who is going to support a girl who doesn't even know how to use spellcheck? So I get home and am totally defeated, thinking I lost any opportunity to go on this trip. And as I am laying on my bed I start getting notifications that people are donating to my trip. People whose names I don't even recognize. 

God provided, even in my dreams. 

Both the blog and the dream were reminded me the responsibility does not fall on me for this trip to be a success, just as it is not my responsibility to get God to love me. It was such an encouragement, especially in a time when I have been so overwhelmed by the bigness of this trip I am stepping into. It doesn't matter if I am broken and scared and under qualified. God can use me.

It is because of who God is that any of this can work out. Praise Him. 

"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves."                                                       2nd Corinthians 4:7

2nd India Training

We had our second training meeting last Sunday. We talked a little bit about the process of applying for our visas, what it will be like to share our testimonies, and what ministry teams we will be on in India. 

The majority was spiritual preparation training, so we know what to expect leading up to our trip. Andrew, the mission pastor at Rock Harbor’s Costa Mesa campus, came and spoke to us about the “threshold principle.”  Essentially, this principle states the closer you come to a threshold, or an event in which you will be doing something for the glory of God, the more resistance you will experience. Meaning, the closer we get to leaving on this trip, the more spiritual resistance we as individuals and as a team we will experience. 

It was strangely a comforting message to hear, since I felt the spiritual resistance all week long. I was discouraged and exhausted, not as a result of any particular event or situation that happened. Just as a result of living. 

While Andrew was teaching, he reminded us that everything we think, act, feel, do, even our interactions with those around us, reflects the true state of our spirit or heart. He challenged us to look at situations around us and ask ourselves “How is this reflecting my heart?” as well as “How am I being shaped to my core by these things?” 

The most basic purpose for this trip is that lives would be changed to better reflect Christ’s life. Both the lives of those we meet in India as well as our own will be shaped and formed. Challenges leading up to the trip can teach me. By reflecting upon my reactions to these challenges, I am starting to see the state of my own heart. God is going to use this to make me more like Him. And if that on it’s own was not cool enough, He may even be gracious enough to let my being present with others, before and during the trip, help to make them more like Him as well.

Andrew also challenged us to pick a spiritual discipline to regularly be practicing leading up to the trip. The one that stood out the most to me was submission. At first it didn’t really sound like a discipline to me. Then I realized this entire trip will be characterized by submission to those we serve, and those we serve with. I realized that Christ’s entire life was marked by submission, to the point of his death. I started realizing how often my pride keeps me from submitting to my brothers and sisters in Christ. Also, my strong immediate desire not to pick submission was a sign, I should probably pick it. We will see how this one goes...

Side Note: The two ministry teams I was placed on were Teaching and Worship. If you know me even a little bit, you know those things terrify me. If you know me a little bit more, you probably have heard stories of me passing out when speaking in front of groups of people. So prayer would be greatly appreciated in these areas.