Day Nine: The Zombie Apocalypse

This was our last full day of ministry in Tenali. We started out the day attending a service at the largest Harvest India church. There were so many people there that some were sitting outside of the building. After the service the church wanted to feed us. This meal was a struggle. We ate off of giant palm leaves. The food was weird textures and spicy. Not at all sure what I was eating. To be honest, I swallowed most of my food whole, praying the entire meal that the Lord would make my stomach strong enough to take it. I made it through.

We piled into the vans after lunch to go to another water well dedication. Before lunch a couple of our teammates got really sick, and on the drive to and from the dedication quite a few more got sick as well.  We were originally going to attend another english speaking service in the early evening, but because about half of our team was sick at this point, including our leaders Lauri and Daniel, we decided to take that time to rest at the house instead.

When we got back all the healthy teammates gathered on the rooftop to reassign speaking and drama parts for the night outreaches in case those who were sick were not healthy enough to participate. Before we started planning we decided to pray for all who were sick. When we opened our eyes we had lost four more healthy teammates.

The sickness came on so quickly. Someone would feel fine one second, a little off the next, and within the next two minutes they'd be too sick to move. Like a zombie apocalypse. Only about 14 of us were still healthy at this point, but Daniel told us we would be doing the outreaches no matter what, so we got ready.

We split off into our two teams and went to our outreaches. Quite a few more teammates got sick on the drives to and from the outreach. Everyone who was assigned to speak on my team were all sick, but were such troopers they were determined to speak no matter how they felt.

On the drive there I was feeling pretty attacked again. One of our teammates said this sickness must be the enemy trying to keep us from preaching the gospel, which I agreed with. And as grateful as I was to not be sick, the question of why kept coming up in my head. I was being told over and over the reason I was healthy was because I was not enough of a threat to the enemy to need to be taken out. Hearing that lie repeated in my head left me with an overwhelming need to worship God, so I sat softly singing any verse from any worship song I could think of.

I heard two words from God as I got off of the bus, "Be my hands and feet tonight" and "celebrate."

There was a small group of children waiting for us so I got as excited as I could and tried to direct their attention away from the teammates throwing up in the bushes. We started the service and I kept hearing celebrate being spoken in my head. So when the song we danced to at the pastors conference was sung, and Amanda asked me if I wanted to dance, I went for it. We danced like we were from India.

My favorite thing about this picture is everyone else's faces. So much joy. 

It's contagious. Much like the zombie apocalypse, but in a good way.

Our teammates went up to speak, and they spoke with such honesty and authority. I was so proud of them. The power went out half way through our first speaker, but we found a headlamp and continued teaching anyway. At the end of the service a few women accepted Christ for the first time. It was well worth the struggle.

By the time both teams got back to the house only six of us were still healthy. So Abbie and I decided to take our bug tents up to the roof to sleep there. We talked about all of the great things we had seen God do during our time in India and fell asleep under the stars. It was the best way to end such a wonderful trip.

Day Eight: By His Wounds You Have Been Healed

After the VBS ended but before dinner we had a little bit of down time. Chris, Sloane, Amanda, Robbyn and I were sitting around talking, and Sloane mentioned that she was feeling really sick. Chris suggested that we pray healing over her. So we did. I have a really hard time with praying for healing. It is one of those areas that tests my faith. I know God has and can heal, but catch myself believing he won't because I have seen it happen so infrequently. After praying for Sloane nothing happened, and I can't say I was surprised.

Robbyn mentions her knee had been bothering her all day and asked if we could pray for that as well. We pray, she tests out her knee, and it's better. We pray for Amanda who had a really bad sinus headache, and later that night as we worshipped it went away. Chris realizes I didn't ask for prayer (I had a really bad cold the whole time we were there) and he tells me to let them pray for me.

Even after seeing Robbyn being healed I was still pretty sure nothing would happen, but decided to let God take what little amount of faith I had in his power to heal and run with it. They prayed and I still felt about the same, but realize that I was able to talk and to swallow without my throat feeling like it was on fire. We were all amazed at what God had done and continued to pray, prayers of thanksgiving this time.

During dinner my thoughts went back and forth from gratefulness to be able to eat without pain and frustration because God chose to heal me. During our time in India we asked God to heal countless times. I felt as if I could list tons of healings we had asked of him that were far more important than my sore throat. Healing from cancer, healing from HIV, healing from leprosy. In my mind God had not come through for these people.

I kept struggling with it until we started worshipping together after everyone's feet had been washed. I was reminded of the main things I could tell God had been trying to teach me on the trip. The first was the lesson of his relentless love. He loves because of who he is, in his own time. For his glory. The other lesson was to celebrate because of who he has proven himself to be over and over.

I realized there was no way I could answer why he chose to heal me. I could not explain it, but I could accept it. I could worship him because of it. So I sang louder, worshipped as wholeheartedly as I could. Not because I felt I had to, not because it was required of me. But as a response to how good God has been to me.

Day Eight: Beautiful Are the Feet

After our goodbyes to the children we went to Suresh and Christina's home for dinner. After our team ate we asked to serve dinner to the Harvest India staff. After they ate we asked to wash their feet. They were resistant at first, but they allowed us to serve them in this way.

There were more women on our team than female staff members, so Abbie and I paired up to was one woman's feet. This woman works with the younger grades at a school created for children of families who fall below the poverty line in surrounding villages. She, like most of the women, was very shy with us at first but as we started washing her feet she started smiling and then laughing. We were able to pray over her afterward and bless her and her ministry. It was this sweet time of giving back.

After all of the women had their feet washed we realized that both Suresh's wife, Christina, and his oldest daughter, Mercy, had not gotten their feet washed. Lauri washed Christina's feet and I volunteered to wash Mercy's.

I went to find Mercy, she was inside of her house. I told her I wanted to wash her feet and she was super resistant to the idea. She is kind of a shy personality to begin with, so this was something she definitely did not want to do. But I told her I was doing it, and she came outside with me. She let me wash her feet, although I am pretty sure she hated it the whole time. After I washed her feet I asked to pray for her. She understands english and speaks it pretty well, so this was the only time on the trip where I was able to pray for someone and they understood what I was saying.

I was reminded of this passage in Isaiah 52:7, "How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion, 'Your God reigns.'" I felt the need to bless Mercy because she is participating in ministry, spreading the good news, at such a young age. I was able to encourage her and let her know that she is doing a great work already. I was able to tell her that her heavenly Father delights in her. She and I both were crying by the end of the prayer.

As I was emptying out the water buckets used to wash the women's feet I felt a pull on my punjabi, and turned around to find Mercy asking to wash my feet. I sat down and both she and her younger sister, Nancy, washed my feet. 

I could learn so much from that girl. At such a young age, her entire life is dedicated to serving Jesus. And she does it so naturally, with such humility. Her servitude to Christ is for no other reason than gratitude for all she has watched Him do. 

Day Eight: I Will Give Thee A Crown of Life

Today was bittersweet, it was the last day of VBS. The last time we would see the beautiful little faces of the kids we had so quickly grown to love. The last day of little hands holding onto our arms, our legs, our clothes. The last day of their little giggles and smiles.

With the first group of kids, the craft was already proving to be chaotic. We were making noisemakers that had to be strung together and filled with beans. It was a madhouse. Shortly after the group started my little Anita came in and gave me a huge hug. I asked her why she was there so early, since her group did not come in to crafts until the end of the day. She smirked, pointed at me, gave me another hug and ran off. That precious girl's hug carried me through the day.

We were allowed to serve the kids their lunch. That was a blast. They are so full of energy and life. I was laughing the entire time. Especially when some of the boys started doing the gangnam style dance. Too much laughter.

I was smothered with children's hugs and kisses all day long. I am pretty sure that is what heaven is going to be like, if it's not I may have to ask God to do me a solid and make my heaven that way. I've already asked him to make me an Indian woman in heaven. Might as well go all out right?

After the afternoon worship Suresh and Christina called each one of our team members up to thank each one of us. It felt so strange to be thanked for doing the VBS, since for me the VBS blessed me more than I could bless.

After worship all of the kids were given paper crowns to wear and we went on a parade to the nearest village where Chris was asked to preach the message of the gospel. I was constantly being asked the question "Sister, you come back next year?" It never got any easier to answer. So I decided the best response was an "I hope so" and to hold the girls in closer to me. I didn't know if I could come back, but I knew I could love them in that moment.

When we got back to the Harvest India campus we stayed for a long time to play with the kids. We danced and sang, played on the playground, played tag. I could have stayed with them for much longer. But the sun went down and we had to say goodbye. Hardest goodbye ever.

Day Seven: America Akka

It was a relatively easy day. We had a simple craft for the kids to do, braiding friendship bracelets. The first two groups went by really quickly. During the second group I had one boy ask me to pray for him. As soon as I opened my eyes I was surrounded by little boys asking for prayer. Being able to bless them in this way was such a privilege.

We went to Swaroop (one of the Harvest India staff members) and his wife's home for lunch. They recently had moved to a home owned by a Hindu family. He told us to join with him in praying for their salvation. I am so amazed by the boldness that both Suresh, Swaroop, and their families have. They have seen and trust that God work in mightily ways. As a group we prayed over the family as well as for a lady who's cancer had returned for the second time.

We returned for the second half of the VBS, more crafting. I was super excited when the last group came in (the group my girls were in). Anita, Saree, and Naga came up and gave me a bunch of hugs. While we were doing the crafts I stayed by them to talk. They were asking me questions about home and families. They asked the names of all my family members as well as my friends. I asked if they wanted to see pictures, they did. I had printed out three pictures to bring with me, one of me with my mom, one with my brother, and one with my best friend. After showing them the pictures, they asked to keep them. They told me they wanted to pray for me every day.

I walked with them over to the afternoon worship, and sweet Naga held my hand the whole way. She kept saying something to me over and over, America Akka. It was in Telugu, so I had no idea what she was saying. Later I was talking with Chris and Amanda and they were telling me all the words in Telugu they had learned (those two have memories that amaze me). Amanda said the word for little sister and then said the word for big sister was akka. Naturally I start crying realizing the sweetness of the moment earlier with Naga. 

We went to the pastor's conference again that evening and walk into them already worshipping. All the women and men were in the front dancing. Amanda drags me out there to dance with them (I don't dance) and we danced for what felt like forever. Dancing has never been something I considered to be a way to worship God, probably because I am so uncomfortable with it and it is not something we often see here in America. But in India, it is such an obvious way to worship. They worship with their whole selves, all of their body, voices, hearts and minds.

Oh, also we rode rickshaws to VBS this morning. Bucket list item accomplished. Our rickshaw was also hit by a water buffalo. You read that right, the buffalo hit us, not the other way around.

Day Six: Taka ding a ding…uh huh, uh huh!!

First day of VBS. We were all really excited about it and felt as prepared as we could be, but who can really say they are prepared to handle 1500 children?

VBS was being held at Harvest India's main campus; it was for the Harvest India children as well as many other children who were invited from the surrounding areas. we had four rotations the children went through, story, memory verse, games and crafts. I was in the craft rotation.

On the drive over I was feeling very heavy and was singing the song "Break Every Chain" over and over in my head. It didn't help much. As I was sitting there Sloane leaned over and read this to me "Don't be afraid, for you will not be put to shame! Don't be intimidated, for you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame you experienced in your youth; you will not remember the disgrace of your abandonment." (Isaiah 54:4) I wasn't sure exactly why, but it resonated deeply with me in that moment and I was crying again.

But I stepped out of the van and there were two lines of hundreds of smiling children ready with flowers to throw at us and, much like the day before when I saw those three girls, a deep joy resurfaced in me. It did not take away the sadness, but it overwhelmed it.

We worshiped with the kiddos at the beginning and at the end of the day. It was the most fun at the end of the day when we could join them out in the crowd to dance alongside them.

Crafts was fun but was definitely a test of my patience. Being surrounded by 300 children at a time tugging at your clothes, calling "Sister, Sister,"wanting your help with their craft whether or not they actually needed it is exhausting. We had some trouble finishing the crafts on time. But I figured these children just wanted our attention because they needed love. And if that meant I would have to play patty cake games, pray with them, or go back and forth pointing to things to call "super" instead of finishing the craft, it was well worth it. 

My favorite group was the last group to come in. It was a group of older girls and in that group I met three of the most wonderful little ladies ever, Naga, Anita and Saree. Anita recognized me from earlier and so her natural first question was to ask if I remembered her name. I did not so I promptly asked her if she remembered mine. She laughed shook her head no and introduced herself and her friends to me. They had been with Harvest India for a while so they spoke english pretty well. I was able to talk with them about quite a few things.

After crafts we got to worship again and so I went out to dance with a group of little girls. They all crawled into my lap and wanted to show me their henna. They kept checking my hands to see if I had any, which I didn't, so instead I showed them the cross tattoo on my shoulders. They loved it. 

These kids were unwanted by so many. But they love so well. 

That evening we lead a church service for a pastors conference Harvest India was hosting. Harvest India invited all the pastors and their wives in the surrounding areas to a three day conference. We led worship as well as preached a sermon. Those pastors and their wives can really dance.

Romans 8 popped into my head during the day. In my downtime, when I would start to feel depressed again I would read it over and over. One verse in particular stood out to me, verse 33, which says "who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own?" It was a reminder that all the lies the enemy was placing in my mind were things that have no power over me anymore, for God had chosen me to be there in that moment in India. It became the verse I would speak over and over when those lies arose. 

There is power in the name of Jesus.

Day Five: A New Family, An India Family

Shayna and I had have an ongoing joke as a result of this day. We were assigned to each other as travel buddies at the beginning of the trip, and at the airport she warned me that she cries all of the time. I told her since I never cry, we could balance each other out. She cried maybe once on the trip, from here on I cried multiple times daily.

I woke up feeling pretty out of it, but went up to the roof to read my Bible anyway. When I sat down to read, I just started crying. Couldn't read or pray or anything except for cry. So I asked Shayna, Amanda, and Sloane to pray over me. I was already feeling overwhelmed by all the lies I had been hearing, and knew I would need extra strength from Jesus.

Our first outreach for the day was a homeless outreach. These people walked for miles to come to the house we were staying at, so we could put on a service for them as well as provide out clothing. As soon as the service started I was crying, not for any reason in particular, but I couldn't stop. I cried through the entire service. As we started to walk through the crowd to pass out clothes, many of the women would place their hands on my feet and ask for prayer. When I tried to pray over them I would start crying again, and not be able to get any words out. I had to trust in Romans 8:26 which states "the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirt himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."

After the service we returned to the house and I started telling Christina, one of the team members who I find to be unbelievably wise, about what was going on with me this morning. Since I was frustrated with the crying and how it was keeping me from engaging with God in the ways I was use to, she mentioned that maybe I should just stop trying to meet with him in my usual ways and learn to sit in the presence of my Father. At that point Joy had pulled out her guitar and was singing away. I decided to sit at her feet, not to join in with worship, but to just sit with Jesus.

As soon as I sat down another teammate, Vanessa, came beside me and told me she felt she had a word for me. She said she felt as if God told her He saw me sitting on my bed alone, and He was with me. She called out all the lies I had been hearing, repeating them in the exact words I had heard, something I had not told anyone about at this point. She then said although I felt God had left me, He was actually closer to me than anyone on the trip. Naturally, I start sobbing. Other teammates gathered around, praying for me, reading verses over me, and Joy singing over me. Eventually I opened my eyes to see that I was no longer the only one crying, we all were. 

I have never felt family so closely as in that moment.

We went to a New Years Day church service after in a nearby village. I was asked to MC which felt pretty opposite of the day I was having. So far all of the MCs had been bubbly and pumped up and excited. None of which were me.

As we pulled up, I had no idea how this was going to go. Amanda Compton asked if I wanted someone else to MC, but I felt strongly that I needed to MC even more so, because I felt this way. I looked out the window and saw these three beautiful girls dressed in their best and brightest outfits walking up to the church. They smiled and waved at us, and although I was deeply sad, I felt this deep joy alongside it.

Somehow I got through the service. I wasn't peppy or bouncing off of the walls, but I did get to proclaim God's truth. The enemy was trying to rob me of the joy I had in Christ. But this joy is not a joy that can be taken away. It is mine forever because I am being made new. And the New Year is a reminder of this.

We had a pretty chill evening. Suresh and Christina had us over to their home for dinner. Suresh spoke about the background of Harvest India, how he became a Christian, and told some other stories. It felt like a family dinner with all of us sitting around two long tables, eating and laughing.

Day Four: 2014, Year of the Baby Goat (Not Really)

This day was the beginning of a string of difficult days for me on the trip. And for everyone really.

We started the day doing a water well dedication in a surrounding village. People in these villages often would have to walk many miles to get drinkable water. Harvest India sponsors wells in villages they have relationships with and puts these wells next to the church, so the responsibility for caring for it falls to the church. These well dedications are all out celebrations because they mean so much to the village.

We would speak a word of encouragement, pray a blessing for the well, cut tape (yep, that happens in real life), and each one of us would pump water from the well. There was singing, dancing, drumming and clapping. After the dedication we skipped back to the front of the village to see their school, where we promptly had a dance party. It was a blast.

For the rest of the day we did a lot of driving. We traveled out to see two different building projects. The first is going to be an all girls college school. The second location already is a children's home, but they are building a hospital next to it. It was exciting to see the ways Harvest India was expanding, but all the driving was hard.

By this point in the trip I was still excited whenever we were doing any kind of outreach, but in the down time, driving, in between ministry, when we were back at the house, I was getting stuck in my head. I kept hearing all of these lies being spoken to me. Ridiculous lies, telling me I wasn't meant to be there, I didn't believe in God, planting doubts in my head and expanding on my fears. The car rides this day were a constant struggle. I could feel the two sides in my mind waging war against each other as I tried to combat the lies by quoting scripture or lyrics to worship songs. 

I was exhausted and got to a point at the first building project where I was begging God to comfort me because I was tired. As I got out of the van we see a herd of goats next to the building project. The lady herding them lets us pick up the baby goats. Mine nuzzled with me and ate flower petals off of my shoulder and brought me so much joy. I looked a little crazy with how excited I was to hold this goat. But it was an answer to my prayer and a brief moment of joy in the midst of the battle raging on.

We rang in the New Year at the Children's Home with the little nuggets. We dressed up in our saris and sang and danced. Some of the kids shared how God had provided for them in 2013. Some of our team shared as well. We were able to serve the kids and staff communion right before it hit midnight. 

After midnight we were walking out with all of the children. It was already the best New Year I ever had, and I thought we were done for the night. I had three little girls attached to me, two in my arms and one holding onto my hip (which made me worry about how secure my sari was fastened, those things were not made for playing in) who wanted to show me everything about their lives, from their friends to their playground. 

We stop walking and I ask the oldest girl with me what is going on because a crowd has gathered. She smirked and pointed forward to a table filled with fireworks. It was the most dangerous firework show I have ever been a part of, we were maybe fifteen feet away and the boys lighting them were probably holding on too long. 

All I could think of during the firework show was God's nearness and goodness. He was nearest on my hard days and gave me gifts which were simple but so drenched in meaning and love. 

I stood there holding those girls, sobbing (they probably will always think Americans are crazy because of me crying at fireworks), remembering what I asked of God months before for this trip. I wanted to be surrounded by children and to experience his love. He was so gracious to start off my year giving me both of those gifts.

Day Three: Like A Sloppy Wet Kiss

So this was the day I had been anxious about for some time, so this entry is gonna be long. It was the day of the leprosy outreach. Our team was scheduled to help with the outreach in the morning, visit an elderly home, and then travel to a leprosy colony in the evening.

I was afraid to hang out with the lepers, not necessarily because I was afraid of what I would see or catching it or anything like that, but because I tend to get queasy over medical things. I was afraid that I would not be able to love them well. But in light of what I had been learning so far, through JD's challenge to allow myself to be loved as well as the realization that I am bad at believing in unconditional love, I was praying like crazy that God would give me the strength to love in the way that he loves, with boldness.

I happened to be the first one out of the van when we got to the leprosy outreach and the first lady I saw most likely had been dealing with leprosy a long time ago. By this stage she had lost all of her fingers and her nose was starting to go as well. But by God's grace I was able to go up to her, grab her hands in mine and pull her in for a hug. No queasy!!

You see, in India, just as it was in the Old Testament, those with leprosy are outcasts. They have to stay away from others to keep the disease from spreading. They are not talked to and never to others. They are not talked to and never touched. So who know's how long it had been since this woman was hugged? You could see her demeanor change, you could see in her eyes that the hug was precious to her. And I figured if eye contact, holding a hand, offering a smile or a hug was all I could give, I would give them well.

We served them a meal, put on a worship service, passed out their monthly rations and clothes, and prayed for them. Even though these people were the ones who had the least amount of social interaction and knew next to no english, I was able to connect with them so well. I laughed with so many of them. Hugged so many of them. It felt like family, like home. Something I seriously did not expect, especially at this outreach.

Worship at the Leprosy Outreach.

Serving meals at the Leprosy Outreach.

I was asked to give a word of encouragement at the elderly home, which we visited next. Elders, much like lepers are seen with no value and are often forgotten by the very children they raised. Harvest India has multiple homes to house these elders only requesting that they eat and pray. They are the prayer warriors of Harvest India. So as I was preparing, Ecclesiastes 3:11 was placed on my heart.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from beginning to end."

I wanted to share with them that while they may never see the fruits of their prayers on earth, in Heaven Christ will show all of us the work in eternity he accomplished because of their faithfulness to ask.








Naturally, I was pumped to be there. This little lady was the first face I saw when I arrived. She reached out to grab my hand and I pulled her in for a hug. We both laughed and she reached up and pinched my cheeks, like a grandma would. All of a sudden she was pulling me in, and kissed me on the mouth. I sure hope that my shock did not show on my face. It was one of those "Is this really happening? …I think so" moments. When in India, right?

The significance of this moment did not hit me until the following day. We were singing How He Loves us at our team devotion, and sang the line "when heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss." I have always thought that line did not really fit, but this time singing it this lady's face popped in my head. And I realized this woman showed me the extravagance of Christ's love more clearly than I had ever seen it before.

This woman could have just hugged me and left it there. But she showed her love much bigger, and took a risk in doing so. She chose the most extravagant symbol of love, a kiss. A kiss I very well could have rejected.

In the same way Christ could have come down just to teach us a few things and ascend into the clouds. But instead he also chose the most extravagant symbol of love, to die on the cross in our place. Knowing we could reject this act of love, and many do. For a long time I rejected this act of love.

The outreach went well. We were blessed to be able to pray for the residents there. This was the first lady I sat with. She was not well enough to join us outside for the service so Shayna and I went inside to visit with her. As I sat next to her I grabbed her hand and looked into her cloudy blue eves, probably as a result of cataracts, but they held so much emotion. She started talking to us in Telugu, and crying. But the moment worship started outside she stopped crying and smiled. 

It was a beautiful moment with just that knowledge alone, but later we found out this woman was widowed two years ago and had not stopped crying since then. Yet when she hears the worship of her Savior she smiles. You could see she knew God and that the peace of God was upon her in that moment.

Preaching at the Elderly Home. 

Last we traveled out to the leprosy colony Harvest India is making. It has a church and homes for the families to live in. They can be in community and have their needs provided for. We held a worship service and passed out their monthly food rations and clothes then we hung out with the children.

A lot of them spoke english pretty well because they have had to go into the cities to work to provide for their families. There were these sweet girls who wanted to show us their homes, and their goat. 

Also on the way home I saw a monkey. It was awesome.

Passing out clothing and food.

Some of the guys hiked up the mountainside next to the colony, this was the view. 

Day Three: Must You Rebel Forever?

"Must you rebel forever? Your head is injured and your heart is sick. You are battered from head to foot -- covered with bruises, welts & infected wounds -- without any soothing ointments or bandages. Your country lies in ruins and your towns are burned." Isa. 1:5-7

 Wake up feeling compelled to read that generally means your day is gonna be a doozy. This day definitely fit that description. I woke up feeling convicted about the ways I was serving God.

I have this tendency to do things for God because I know it is the right thing to do, or because I think that I owe him something. After all, I'm a terrible sinner. I need to make up for all the times I have messed up. Right? Wrong. That totally makes salvation about me and not at all about God. He forgives because graciousness is who he is. Bill Dogterom stated it this way in a sermon, "He doesn't love us because we are lovely, he loves us because it is who he is.

I find myself in this cycle where, if I do not hear from God in the ways I expect from him, I try to be extra obedient or devout as if that will make him pay attention to me again. Instead of resting in his presence and actually being obedient to his will, I run around trying to do my own thing, end up messing up everything, and stop spending time with Jesus. This verse was a call to evaluate myself. To see that was not doing so hot on my own, to look in the mirror and see I am being battered and bruised simply because I won't run to my Father to protect me.

So I cried out to God this morning on our beautiful rooftop. In my journal I wrote, "I no longer want to run from you, I don't want to put walls up because I don't believe in the unconditional nature of your love, in the repetitiveness of your mercy." I am pretty sure that's the best way to start a day. Ever.

Day Two: Honor Those Worthy of Honor

As much as I had enjoyed our first day in Tenali, I woke up really struggling with processing all that happened the day before. I tried to process through it with God when I woke up in the morning, and kept feeling frustrated with the place of honor we were placed in everywhere we went. My desire on coming on this trip was to be placed in a place of low honor. Where I was the servant and I could raise up the Indian people we met.

Instead we were being given flowers, treated like royalty, seated in front of them in chairs while they sat on the floor. I felt as if I was not worthy of the treatment they gave me. I kept thinking back to my question on the plane, is this a sacrifice at all? At this point it definitely did not feel like a sacrifice.

At breakfast I sat next to JD, who has been on the Rock Harbor trip before as well as another trip where he stayed for several months to work with Harvest India. We started talking about how love is given in Indian culture. He mentioned that in the United States we tend to not give love until it has been shown to us first, this is radically different from the culture we were now experiencing, where love is given away before we even have a chance to deserve it. He warned us of how easy it can be to place up guards because we are uncomfortable being loved in this way, but challenged us instead to lower our walls and let them love us, to let ourselves be known.

Challenge Accepted! This was my prayer for the remainder of the trip. To be able to receive love as well as give it in the way the people of Tenali did so well.

We had three church services to lead this day. At every service we would lead worship, someone would speak a word of encouragement, someone else would tell their testimony, and a message would be preached. The first was at an established church in a nearby village, the best part was getting to pray for the congregation afterward. The second was an english service led by the Rock Harbor Residency team, which I was excited for, but had a hard time connecting to the people there, even though they spoke more english than anyone we'd interacted with so far.

Praying at the morning church service.

Leading worship at the english service.

In the evening we split into our two teams and each went to lead an outreach service. These services are in villages a little farther away and are held outside in the streets. I was going to give my testimony at this one, so I was a little nervous. On the drive I was trying to figure out which passage to use for my testimony and decided on Ephesians 2:4-10, "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ--by grace you have been saved--and raises us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

Honestly, I cannot remember a single word I said in my testimony that night. But I remember wishing that I could have elaborated more on the verse. I wished that I could have explained more about God's faithfulness when we are not faithful, because his nature is graciousness. And as I was sitting there thinking about all of the things I wish I could have said, John went up to preach the sermon. Without ever discussing it, he chose the same passage to teach on.

It was a reminder that God is able to and will do what is his will whether or not we participate. He wanted that specific outreach to hear that specific message, so he made it happen. Not so that we would be glorified, but so he would.

When they gave the call to response, quite a few women stood up to recieve Christ. It reminded me of Acts 2:47, "And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved." And our only response was to talk about how good our Lord is.

The drama that we performed at the outreach.

Some of the kids danced for us, they were like little pop stars!

The women and children at the outreach.

Day One: Welcome Home Rock Harbor Team

We pretty much hit the ground running the moment that we got to Tenali. We piled into vans and went to Harvest India's campus, a short drive away from the home we were staying in. A lot is on the campus, including but not limited to Suresh and Christina's home, the Rock Harbor Children's home and the children's classrooms, Harvest India's offices, a sewing location for International Princess Project, an emu farm, and quite a few cows. (Don't know if the cows are Harvest India's or just wanderers.)

We got off of the vans and were greeted by two long trains of children, all holding the most intricate flower leis I have ever seen and bunches of flower petals. As our team walks down the middle of the two trains (much like what happens at the end of a child's soccer game) a group of girls lead the way singing "Welcome to Rock Harbor team" and dancing. We each get a lei put on us by one of the children and all the kids are throwing flower petals at us as we walk by. 

Being greeted at the Harvest India Campus.

A friend on the team later mentioned that he thought they were singing Welcome Home Rock Harbor team. I feel like that version of the song is more accurate. I imagine our welcome into heaven's gates will be very similar to this welcome to Harvest India. The children's faces showed they had been waiting excitedly and expectantly for our arrival. My heart was bursting with joy, realizing I had finally made it there, this was a long awaited arrival. Everyone was rejoicing.

The kiddos in their classroom.

After our greeting we got to spend time meeting and playing with the children. I felt a little like a celebrity. There was this one little girl who stole my heart immediately.

She came up to me and asked my name, then hugged me and didn't let go for the rest of our visit. She gave me a piece of paper filled with telugu words written in her sweet little handwriting, she told me it was her name and the names of her family. It was such a sweet gift.

After spending time with the Harvest India children we visited the International Princess Project sewing center. This organization frees women from the Red Light districts in the area and teaches them sewing skills. They make these awesome Punjamis (a twist on the word punjabi and pajama, it's quite brilliant) that are sold all over the world. Not many of these women spoke english, but they had such sweet spirits. We were honored to be able to pray with them.

Being greeted by the International Princess Project women.

We then got back in the vans and traveled to another school location that provides schooling for children in the poorer areas of Tenali. We were able to go into all of the classrooms and play with the little nuggets (an endearing term we used for the Indian kiddos). I wanted to take all of them home with me. I mean look at them, who wouldn't?

The most adorable little nuggets.

We then went back to the Rock Harbor Children's Home to attend a worship service with the children. We laughed and they sang songs for us, danced for us. My heart was so overwhelmed with joy watching those kids dance and sing. By all definitions their lives are not easy. But they know how to celebrate what God has done for them far better than anyone I know.

The worship service at the Rock Harbor Children's Home.

One of the dances the kids performed for us.

It was a beautiful but long first day. Adding jet lag onto that, I fell asleep the moment I laid down. Not even the creepy mosquito net I had to sleep in could keep me from rest this night.

Day One: Fireworks Welcome You Home

In order for this story to make sense we need to jump in our time machines and go back a little farther than this trip. The two weeks leading up to our departure were really difficult for me. I started feeling like I had made up all the confirmation I had been given that encouraged me to say yes to going on this trip.

The week before the trip one of my teammates planned a prayer night for the team at his house. We gathered together talked about why we were going on the trip, worshiped together and friends prayed over us. As we were worshipping Joy started talking about how our God gives His children good gifts, saying it was okay to ask Him for things expecting a response. She encouraged us to keep asking even if we weren't getting answers, so I decided to ask God for one more confirmation that I was meant to be going on this trip. I told Him that I would not go if He did not say it was okay. 

I have this thing with fireworks, so I asked God to give someone who was praying for us a picture of a firework. No one got anything. I left feeling very disappointed, but decided to be stubborn in my request, so I kept asking all week long. Nothing. 

Christmas Eve, two days before we were suppose to leave, I received the last bit of funding needed to go on the trip but I was still not convinced I should go. I was very close to calling Lauri, one of our trip leaders, and telling her I would be staying in America. As I was thinking all of this, sitting with my family watching Duck Dynasty (a real american moment right there), loud popping noises started going off in my neighborhood. I look out the window and some kid is lighting off fireworks in the street. Needless to say, I got on the plane to India.

Flash forward: After two plane rides, and a ten hour drive from the Hyderabad airport to Tenali, I was starting to forget the Christmas Eve firework show God gifted me with. It's amazing how easily we forget God's goodness and provision. I was again feeling like I shouldn't have come and felt segregated  from the team because I was not excited to be there like everyone else was. 

We reached the house Harvest India had for us to stay at and gathered on the roof so the girls could pick out fabrics for our saris and punjabis. As I am sitting there, rather out of it,  familiar popping noises started coming from the streets. 

I go to Christina, Suresh Kumar the president of Harvest India's wife, and ask her what that popping noise was. She responds "Fireworks." I may have started squeaking a little bit, and made her repeat herself. She probably thought I was crazy, but she graciously explained that there was a Hindu festival happening in the streets and they were lighting fireworks off. In the middle of the afternoon. 

So, naturally, I have to explain to her why I am losing it, since I'm almost crying, and she simply responds "God is good." Yes, yes He is Christina. And He gives good gifts to His children.

On Our Way: From LAX to Hyderabad

Flying is not my favorite. I can't really see how anyone could enjoy being in a tiny space with so many strangers for so many hours. It's safe to say I will never be a flight attendant.

It took two flights for us to get to Hyderabad. The first flight was the longer of the two. I was seated in front of a mom with four children, three boys and one little girl. The little girl was a rambunctious one, and she decided she liked me. Which was cute at first, but three hours into the flight when I wanted to sleep, not so much.

I ended up having a conversation with the mother and she told me that her family was on a pilgrimage, which was costing them $15,000, to participate in an extensive three hour ritual. She explained a lot of details about it, which by now I have mostly forgotten, but what stuck with me was her devotion to her religion. She was willing to spend money, to take a trip that she wasn't expecting to enjoy, because she believed in it's importance.

I couldn't help but to parallel her pilgrimage with my journey. I started questioning my intentions for going on this trip. Could I confidently say my motivations were pure in heart? Was I there because I was suppose to be or just by coincidence? What sacrifice am I making? Any? Were there reasons for me being there and if so why hadn't God been showing them to me yet?

Some ten hours into the flight I gave up on sleep and started reading a book about Mother Teresa. In it she was talking about silent prayers, a concept I am rather unfamiliar with.

"Prayers cannot be switched on and switched off...fullness of attention is not possible, but fullness of attention is. You have to pray the prayer with your heart and mind, it is not enough just to say them. Prayer is from your heart to the heart of Jesus."

I decided to try it out, and I have no idea if I even did it right, but I was overwhelmed with peace which must be a good sign. After a while I got this vivid image of a castle being dropped from these dark clouds on strings like a marionette (my mind is a weird place) as well as John 6:38-39 "For I have come down from heaven to do the will of God who sent me, not to do my own will of God. And this is the will of God, that I should not lose even one of all those he has given me, but that I should raise them up at the last day."

I felt as if it was a sweet commissioning from Jesus. We, I, was being sent to bring the kingdom to India. Not because of my own will but because Christ wanted the Gospel to be preached.

Fannypack Krew.

Those eyemasks.