Journal Entry #2

07.25.13

I have this problem. It’s called pride, I think it is safe to say we all have a problem with it as well. I was reminded of this problem because of a fear I have. I have this ridiculous little (and when I say little I mean HUGE) fear of ruining God’s plan. 

At first that sounds like a reasonable fear. Until you realize that the only way you can believe this fear to be possible is if you also believe you have more power and influence than God does. Man, I really think too highly of myself.

Recently, I have been thinking about India (duh), and my thoughts have been more worries than actual thoughts. I worry about whether or not I was really meant to apply for this trip, if I can afford it (especially if I am unemployed), about flying for so long over a big body of water, if I find friends on the team I am going with, if I will be able to mentally handle all I see when I get there. 

I worry because I have no control, but God has complete control. 

Not to say that I will stop worrying or that all of my problems are solved. I realize this trip will come with difficulties, since (unfortunately) this is how growth happens. And I would like to say I hope we do have difficulties, because it will make my dependence on Christ grow.

I do not have control. God does. He had control before I even offered it to Him. It is His plan, and it is in His power for things to work out for His glory. I just need to learn how to go along for the ride, trusting that He is good and able to make His plans come to fruition. Sounds easy enough right?**

"It has always seemed to me that broken things, just like broken people, get used more, It's probably because God has more pieces to work with." -Bob Goff, Love Does

**Sarcasm. I totally realize this is going to be ridiculously difficult. Especially for a type A personality like myself.