Journal Entry #7

09.12.13

It’s Seek Week at Rock Harbor. It is also my first week of unemployment. I felt strongly that I needed to wait a week to start the job search, enter in with my church in fasting from media, and attend each worship service this week.

For those of you who don’t go to Rock Harbor, Seek Week is an annual event where all Rock Harbor campuses seek after God through prayer and fasting, hoping to hear what He has for us both individually as well as collectively. We have worship services every night at our main campus in Costa Mesa, and Friday is marked by a celebration service.

I’ve never wholly committed to entering in to a Seek Week. God does some crazy things when you reach out to Him. Every day I have been taught something new, in big powerful ways. I want to share one of them.

It happened on Thursday night. Honestly, I was pretty distracted and kind of wanted to go home. The only thing I actually heard from the message was a quote from Dallas Willard that said something like God speaks to us with out own thoughts, that are not our thoughts. Kind of profound, but not really. It was something I already knew.

I was sitting next to my friend Stefanie and after the message she asked me to pray for her. It was one of those prayers where you were praying for them, but just as easily could have been praying for yourself instead. We talked for a little while after, but then I realized my leg had fallen asleep, so I figured it was time to stand up and continue worshiping. 

It got to the last song, which was I Love You Lord, and the band stopped playing so all there was to hear were our voices. I have always been a sucker for worship moments like this. But this one was different. I thought to myself, “This is what Heaven will sound like...” My thought. Then it was continued with, “...And you will be there.” Most definitely not my thought. Immediately I recognized it was God speaking to me, and of course tears followed.

I have always had a hard time believing in God’s grace. Especially believing that it will cover my sins. Ever since I was little I had dreams that everyone would be raptured, and I would be left behind. The one who thought they were a Christian, but was wrong. 

Those five words were a promise. Christ died for me, and in my brokenness loved me still. And His grace is enough. I can find hope in that promise. A promise of a future with Him. 

And suddenly Friday doesn’t seem so daunting anymore. I have something to celebrate.