Journal Entry #3

07.29.13 

“I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, that in every way you were enriched in him in all speech and all knowledge -- even as the testimony about Christ was confirmed among you -- so that you are not lacking in any spiritual gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.” 1st Corinthians 1:4-9

 The prayer team at Rock Harbor Fullerton’s (RHF) night service got this verse as a word for someone in the congregation. Along with the verse they got the sense this person was called to minister, but believed they were too young or not mature enough to step into the role they were called to.

About three years ago “...and then you will preach to everyone around you” was prayed over me in a community group meeting. I remember it because I was adamant against it being true. I hate public speaking and refuse to believe I will ever have to do it, especially now that I am out of school. This prayer implied there was a lapse of time before this was meant to happen, time for me to mature or to get a little more bold.

But thinking about it, I am pretty sure that time is here and is has been here for a while. And I for sure do not feel prepared or bold. 

I have been waiting around for a second (and third, and fourth, and fifth...) affirmation that this is what God has for me, thinking I was postponing the preaching part of the prayer. But now I realize I have been preaching this whole time. You don’t need words to preach, actions work just fine. And have my actions been preaching Christ or preaching Carolyn? Who is it that I proclaim the Lord to be with my life? 

My life hasn’t been intentional up to this point. My life and heart do not exude Christ in the way I believe they should. And it is causing me to fear. It is fueling the belief I have that I could ruin God’s plans. And although I cannot ruin them, I can sure keep myself from furthering His plans. 

I need my passion for Christ to be reignited. I have become complacent in my relationship with Him, indisciplined, and inconsistent. There is no reason why God should choose me to work alongside Him to further His Kingdom. I am unqualified, like Moses must have felt. 

But Christ has qualified the unqualified. 

And like this passage that Paul wrote to the Corinthian church, Paul was grateful not for the abilities of the Corinthians, but he was grateful for God who gave them grace and the abilities according to His will. 

God enriched them, God sustained them, and God is faithful. And He continues to do so and be so today. To God be the glory, honor, and praise.